My Granny passed away Thursday March 12, 2009, the official cause of death is listed as respiratory failure.  Calling hours are Monday March 16th 4:00-8:00pm at Rader’s Funeral Home in WJ and the funeral service is Tuesday March 17th at 11:00am.

I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to handle staying in the room once the Dr removed her from the vent, especially considering I had to leave the room because I got so upset just listening to the Dr explain how things were going to go.  But somehow I managed to not only stay in the room, I was holding one of her  hands between my hands pressed on my check when she took her last breath.  I remember telling her to make sure she gave Grandpa Jack a big hug & kiss from me & Lillie when she saw him.

She went very peacefully and rather quickly once the vent was turned off.  The nurses made sure that she stayed comfortable by administering pain medications when it looked like she was fidgetting.  Once that second dose of meds was injected her fidgetting stopped and I could see that her breathing was slowing down. A couple minutes later I felt my older brother come stand behind me and he put his hand on her wrist and then on her neck to check her pulse, it was slowing down as well.  Another couple minutes passed, my Aunt Joyce walked up on the other side of the bed where my Aunt B was, and Aunt Joyce told my granny that it was ok, that we would all be ok and that she should go be with her mawmaw & pawpaw now.  A minute or two later, my granny closed her eyes and took her last breath.

Granny I know you are up there looking down on all of us and that by now you’ve already found her way to Grandpa Jack and mawmaw & pawpaw.  We are all grateful that you aren’t in pain any longer but we sure do miss you and love you very much.

This morning was my great Aunt’s funeral and while I knew it wouldn’t be an easy day I never expected it to be as hard as it was.  I had a talk with myself earlier in the morning so that I would keep it together during the service.  Too bad I didn’t listen to myself.  My eyes started welling up as soon as the first couple notes of Amazing Grace came across the speakers. 

Even hours later I am still feeling guilty that while some of the tears and sadness I was feeling today was for my great aunt, the majority of the tears and sadness was for what inevitiably lays ahead in just a matter of weeks maybe even days for my granny’s situation.  My thoughts even took me back to almost 14 years ago when I lost my Grandpa Jack (who was the first close family member that I can remember dying).  When it was my turn to walk up to the casket to pay my final respects today and I felt my mom put her arm around my shoulder I just couldn’t hold things together anymore.  I made a beeline for the exit and went outside to regain my composure. 

The afternoon and evening was a much happier occasion which was very welcomed and enjoyed.  But as I  sit here reflecting on the events of the day I can’t help but feel the sadness slowly creeping it’s way back in.

My thoughts and prayers continue to go out to Ed, Carol, Jeff and the rest of their family.