So I found this website that conducts online photo contests, judged by model and talent agents, for real gigs.  I became a member of the website a couple months ago and scoped things out for awhile.  Earlier this month I submitted a photo of Lillie along with the registration fee.  They will be posting those winners in the next couple of days (fingers crossed)

 Also on this website is an update list of current casting calls for all over the US.  It was through this site that I learned of a nationwide casting call for a reputable clothing company.  I just finished uploading 4 pictures onto that company’s site for their casting call.  They are allowing fan favorite votes on these same pictures as well as a panel of judges picking the finalists for the grand prize.  The fan favorite winner receives a trip to someplace like Jamaica.  I’m not too concerned over that contest.  But if you’d like to submit your vote for any of Lillie’s pictures, I will post the link here once her photos are approved and added to the on-line gallery.

There will be 20 finalists chosen and flown out to San Francisco for a professional photo shoot.  Once the 20 finalists have been choosen and one photo from the professional photo shoot will be uploaded to the company’s website and visitors to the website will vote for one photo in each of the 4 age/gender categories.

So should Lillie make it that far, I am definitely going to be calling on all my friends and family to vote. 

That’s all for now. 

Here is the link to all the pictures that were entered.  Please remember to vote everyday!  Thanks!!!

http://family.go.com/gapcastingcall/entries/KaceyRacey73/

My Granny passed away Thursday March 12, 2009, the official cause of death is listed as respiratory failure.  Calling hours are Monday March 16th 4:00-8:00pm at Rader’s Funeral Home in WJ and the funeral service is Tuesday March 17th at 11:00am.

I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to handle staying in the room once the Dr removed her from the vent, especially considering I had to leave the room because I got so upset just listening to the Dr explain how things were going to go.  But somehow I managed to not only stay in the room, I was holding one of her  hands between my hands pressed on my check when she took her last breath.  I remember telling her to make sure she gave Grandpa Jack a big hug & kiss from me & Lillie when she saw him.

She went very peacefully and rather quickly once the vent was turned off.  The nurses made sure that she stayed comfortable by administering pain medications when it looked like she was fidgetting.  Once that second dose of meds was injected her fidgetting stopped and I could see that her breathing was slowing down. A couple minutes later I felt my older brother come stand behind me and he put his hand on her wrist and then on her neck to check her pulse, it was slowing down as well.  Another couple minutes passed, my Aunt Joyce walked up on the other side of the bed where my Aunt B was, and Aunt Joyce told my granny that it was ok, that we would all be ok and that she should go be with her mawmaw & pawpaw now.  A minute or two later, my granny closed her eyes and took her last breath.

Granny I know you are up there looking down on all of us and that by now you’ve already found her way to Grandpa Jack and mawmaw & pawpaw.  We are all grateful that you aren’t in pain any longer but we sure do miss you and love you very much.

This morning was my great Aunt’s funeral and while I knew it wouldn’t be an easy day I never expected it to be as hard as it was.  I had a talk with myself earlier in the morning so that I would keep it together during the service.  Too bad I didn’t listen to myself.  My eyes started welling up as soon as the first couple notes of Amazing Grace came across the speakers. 

Even hours later I am still feeling guilty that while some of the tears and sadness I was feeling today was for my great aunt, the majority of the tears and sadness was for what inevitiably lays ahead in just a matter of weeks maybe even days for my granny’s situation.  My thoughts even took me back to almost 14 years ago when I lost my Grandpa Jack (who was the first close family member that I can remember dying).  When it was my turn to walk up to the casket to pay my final respects today and I felt my mom put her arm around my shoulder I just couldn’t hold things together anymore.  I made a beeline for the exit and went outside to regain my composure. 

The afternoon and evening was a much happier occasion which was very welcomed and enjoyed.  But as I  sit here reflecting on the events of the day I can’t help but feel the sadness slowly creeping it’s way back in.

My thoughts and prayers continue to go out to Ed, Carol, Jeff and the rest of their family.

Wow I don’t even know where to start with this entry.  This evening I went to visit my granny at the nursing home, first time I’ve seen her since Christmas.  During that visit at Christmas I remember thinking, gosh she’ll be off the vent and transferred closer to home by the end of January.  Then she suffered a couple of different set backs in January, with 2 separate trips back to ICU for infections.

I am very grateful that Lillie fell asleep on the way to the nursing home this evening and she stayed out in the car with my dad while me and my mom went in to visit.  The name on the door said that was my granny’s room but that wasn’t “my granny” laying in that bed.  She just layed there and moaned and cried.  I stood beside her bed, held her hand and tried to soothe her.  It didn’t work.  I don’t even know if she recognized me and knew who I was.

More than once while I was standing there the same thought popped into my head and I feel so ashamed for thinking it.  But at the same time, that is not my granny, I believe she left a couple months ago and all that is left now is the shell of the person she used to be.  Gosh I feel so terrible for even saying (typing) these things out loud.

If you pray I would like to ask that you keep my granny in your prayers, we could sure use a miracle right about now.

I learned just this morning that my granny was transferred back to the nursing facility yesterday.  My parents went up this morning to visit with her.  She was sleeping for the majority of their visit, until her idiot husband got there and waltzed right in her room and woke her up - UGH!!!  According to my mom, granny was having a good day, was pleasant, etc.

Fast forward to about 15 minutes when my mom calls me to let me know they are headed to the hospital because my granny is being trasported back there, with elevated blook pressure, elevated pulse and low oxygen levels.  That is all I will know until several more hours if not as last as tomorrow morning.  I just wish these stinkin doctors would make a diagnosis already.  I mean there has to be some reason why this keeps happening.

Well primilary tests indicate that my granny has pneumonia and a urinary tract infection again.  When she was brought in last night the hospital originally said they would keep her for at least 12 hours to run another enzyme test (since they were elevated last night) but based on her having pneumonia again I’m not sure what they will do.  Hopefully we’ll have some more definite answers later this afternoon.

And I guess some things have been brought to light about some happenings at the extended care facility.  So if that is where she is transferred back to I’m sure there will be some explaining to do.

OK I’ve learned some more details….apparently my granny became quite combative last evening/this morning once she was moved to a room, she’d pulled out her IVs and was pulling the tube off that attaches to the trach.  So as of the last update I received, she is restrained in her bed.  Her husband finally showed up to the hospital around noon today and was quick to leave around 2 or 3, his reason, “I’ve got to go to church”  Well you know what, I think God would understand you not making it because your wife is in ICU!!  What a flippin idiot he is.  I wish he’d just pack his bags and go back fto where ever it was he came from.  He’s having his son look into other Mt. Carmel’s and when asked why, where would he like her to be moved to, his response “back to MCH”  WTF she was transferred from there to Mt Carmel because MCH doesn’t have pulmonary specialists on staff.  So he would rather have her closer to home because it’s more convenient for him who cares if she’s not getting the proper care.  Like I said, what a flippin idiot!

Around 8pm this evening my mom got a call saying that they were transporting my grandmother from the extended care facility back to the hospital.  Apparently her oxygen level dropped too low.  My parents and aunts and uncles should all be there by now.  Gosh and she was making such great progress!

We went to visit the day after Christmas and she was sitting in a wheelchair, off of the vent and was having a good ole time with almost the entire family.  We knew she was getting better just for the simple fact she was being all grumpy with the nurses and therapists.

I’ll try to post an update when I hear more this evening.

She was moved to an extended care facility over a week ago.  Even though this facility is over an hour away from all of us, this place is known for their success rates in trach weaning.  Last Sunday me, Lillie & my parent’s went up to vist with her.  We must have caught her on a bad day because she wasn’t very responsive and just wanted to sleep.

Today she was successfully off the vent for about an hour and either said or tried to say a couple words.  So it sounds like her condition is slowly improving.

Thank you for your thoughts & prayers!

I wish I was updating with better news.  I have been able to get to the hospital twice this week to visit, though she’s sediated and doesn’t realize that anyone is there.  Today was the most that I’ve seen her eyes open in 2 weeks. 

The dr today said her condition today is not any better than it was on Monday.  Yesterday they tried to get her to breath without any help from the vent but she was just too weak.  So she is back on the vent, she can initiate the movement but the machine is still providing full support.

They sent her for a CAT scan this afternoon because her right lung looked worse than before.  So the results came back showing pneumonia DUH!!!  Didn’t we already know that??!!  It is in both lungs, worse in the right lung than the left.

They aren’t going to do too much more than they’re already doing over the weekend, then on Monday they will re-evaluate things.  There has already been made mention of a trach, feeding tube, long term care facility, etc.  Ugh I just can’t even think about those things right now. 

I just want  her to fight this thing but it just doesn’t seem like she has the strength to fight anymore.  So I’m hoping that somehow I can give her some of my strength.

Some of you may not know but my grandmother has been in the hospital since last Sunday morning.  She was placed on a ventilator and admitted to ICU at our county hospital and put under heavy sediation so that she could rest comfortably.  MCH was able to confirm that this was not heart-related but that she did in fact have an infection somewhere.  Several times while at MCH they were un-successful in trying to wean her off the ventilator so this past Friday she was transferred to a bigger hospital in Columbus that has a pulmonary specialist on staff. 

On Saturday morning she had a cat scan because they could see from xray that there was “stuff” in one of her lower lobes of her lung.  There is also some concern that her heart is weakening from trying to keep up.  The cat scan results indicated that she has double pneumonia.  At last check (Sunday evening) her fever had been gone for 24 hours and her white blood cell count was improving.  She was still on the ventilator and sediated.

I am patiently awaiting this morning’s update.  So if you don’t mind could you send up a couple prayers and think good thoughts for a speedy recovery!  I’ll try to update when I have some further information.

ETA - Today’s update was just received.  She is not doing any better or any worse.  Either today or tomorrow they will perform an EKG.  The doctor said he was concerned about her quality of life based on her current sedentary life style, meaning she is never going to be the same.  She is not going to bounce back from this as quickly as a healthy active person would.  The doctor’s main focus right now is to get rid of the infection and to get her weaned off the ventilator.  They have noticed at times that she will take a breath on her own with the ventilator just supplementing.