Wow I don’t even know where to start with this entry.  This evening I went to visit my granny at the nursing home, first time I’ve seen her since Christmas.  During that visit at Christmas I remember thinking, gosh she’ll be off the vent and transferred closer to home by the end of January.  Then she suffered a couple of different set backs in January, with 2 separate trips back to ICU for infections.

I am very grateful that Lillie fell asleep on the way to the nursing home this evening and she stayed out in the car with my dad while me and my mom went in to visit.  The name on the door said that was my granny’s room but that wasn’t “my granny” laying in that bed.  She just layed there and moaned and cried.  I stood beside her bed, held her hand and tried to soothe her.  It didn’t work.  I don’t even know if she recognized me and knew who I was.

More than once while I was standing there the same thought popped into my head and I feel so ashamed for thinking it.  But at the same time, that is not my granny, I believe she left a couple months ago and all that is left now is the shell of the person she used to be.  Gosh I feel so terrible for even saying (typing) these things out loud.

If you pray I would like to ask that you keep my granny in your prayers, we could sure use a miracle right about now.